It is easy to say that you are going to start being more body positive about yourself; but the truth is, if you dislike how you look, it can be difficult to change your perspective of yourself.
I am not a fan of my figure. There are many days where I will not even look in a mirror. There are also days where I feel great and I will dance around in my underwear feeling like a goddess… but those are much rarer.
I have recently started going to the gym again, slowly easing myself into it, I hope to be much stricter with my routine in the new year. I have also started watching the amount of food that I eat through the day and tracking my calories and nutrients. It is not easy. I haven’t changed my perspective overnight, I do not look much different (though it is still early days), and some days dieting is tough! It can be difficult to stay motivated at times, but I am pushing myself to keep going.
Hating my body in the way that I do, does have a large impact on my mental health. There are days where I do not want to get dressed, because I feel hideous in everything that I put on. I hardly ever look forward to going on nights out because I stress so much about my appearance. My self-confidence is often on the floor.
My partner is always telling me that I look stunning in everything, that I am beautiful in his eyes, that I am insane if I think I look ‘fat’ or ‘ugly’… maybe I am insane? Maybe I do not see what other people see? Maybe I am harsh on myself…
Then again, maybe we are all a little harsh on ourselves at times.
Just because I think I am chunky, doesn’t mean that I think the same about other people who are the same size or bigger than me… I often look at people who are bigger than me and think they look amazing! They work their curves and look incredible and I wish I could do that too.
I am to be more confident. Not only in my appearance but in other areas too. Maybe I will learn to love myself in time. I hope that other people who feel the same way as I do can also learn to love themselves for who they are. We are all beautiful in our own little ways; we just need to learn to see that for ourselves.
So this is me, in all my chunky glory and one day I will look at this picture and think that I am beautiful… but right now… I just do not feel that way.